Teens, Texting, and Cyber Courage
The clean version of the text would simply say "Jasmine, will you have sex with me?" "Daddy, how should I respond?" she asked me.
While eying my shotgun I said, "Tell him to have sex with his hand instead--there will be fewer consequences.
" He replied, "Okay, but I'll need some help.
Will you send me a nude picture of you?" We responded, "No.
" The next message from this extremely bold young man was...
Along with a caption that read "I hope you like this", was a picture of his...
" While I was cleaning my shotgun, I thought to myself...
"Where on earth do people get such courage now-a-days? What is it with these teenage boys? Is it now only about sex? What ever happened to dating, love, and marriage?" I wondered if this young man would say these things in person.
My initial thoughts of "no" were confirmed after a lengthy conversation with his mother.
"He's normally very shy when it comes to girls" she said.
While trying to hide her embarrassment at the picture of her son's anatomy, she exclaimed "He's never done this kind of thing before.
" If she had left it up to me, he never would again.
(Wink) What is it about cyberspace that gives people such courage? In a discussion group of teenagers, I discovered a few answers.
The guys said that it's simply much easier to accept rejection if you're not in person.
They said they don't have to see the rejection on her face, or hear it in her voice, and that makes the pain more bearable.
We also found that there's a certain anonymity that comes along with messaging that they find emboldening.
It might be similar to what people experience while driving.
Some are extremely rude and even vicious while beneath the cover of a vehicle, but the moment they emerge, they revert back to being their "normal", cordial selves.
Have you ever experienced this transformation? Have you ever had to apologize for saying something via cyberspace? I have.
I was the sole provider for my wife and five children, when I nearly lost my job for sending an email that I thought was hilarious.
The Human Resources Department thought otherwise.
They called for my immediate termination.
If it wasn't for my manager going to bat for me and coming to a real stand-off with his superiors, I would have lost a great job and a huge amount of peace in my home.
After a series of humbling apologies, I regrouped, got back to work, and made some changes in my communication skills.
When it comes to communication with co-workers, my friends or family, I try to never say something to someone, or about someone, that I wouldn't say in their presence.
It's not always easy to do, but with a little practice, and a lot of consideration for the feelings of others, we all can make vast improvements in our communication skills.
To that end, I have two pieces of advice for all guys in general, but especially for "Mr Male Member Messager.
If you don't want to be rejected, how about making a reasonable offer--not just one that she can't refuse, but one that she doesn't have to refuse.
Instead of foolishly asking for the most precious gift that a girl has to offer, try this...
"Hello, my name is Bubba.
I'd like to get to know you better.
Here's my number.
I hope you'll call me sometime soon", and then walk away and hope for the best.
That is both non-threatening, and allows the young lady time to make her decision on her own without the pressure of you standing in her face, waiting for an answer like a hound dog hoping for a handout.
That's how you eliminate rejection rather than avoid rejection.
As far as being anonymous is concerned...
what benefit is that when it comes to a relationship? The dating game is about revealing who you are to the other person, not hiding behind some kind of fake bravado.
A fake always gets exposed.
It's no secret that guys think about sex more than anything else, so why be ashamed of it? Why not try focusing on getting to actually know the young lady.
And here's another novel idea...
be yourself! Get the focus off of her anatomy and onto her personality.
(With the way some of our young ladies dress, that can be difficult.
More about that in another article.
) After all, when it comes to the anatomy, there are some things that ALL girls have in common.
It's no secret.
So try to focus on what makes each girl unique.
That's how you'll find out which one is most compatible with you, and which one might make a life-long companion.
Whether we search through cyberspace, or in person; that's what we all are really looking for...
I know it's tough sometimes when it comes to saying the right thing; saying it in the right way; and getting the results that you want.
Just remember that common courtesy and respect will go much further than sending crude communications through cyberspace.
If you'll follow my advice, you'll never have to worry about facing an angry parent or losing a good job; and who knows guys...
you might even get a "Yes.